College planning advice is everywhere, and a lot of it sends the message that more is better. More clubs. More leadership titles. More hours logged. But in my experience working with students and families, the students who feel most confident in their college applications — and who find the best-fit colleges — are not the busiest ones. They are the ones who have developed a genuine sense of direction.

Understanding that distinction can help you support your student in a much more effective way. That’s also why I infuse intentional, direction-driven planning in my sessions with students. 

WHAT COLLEGES ARE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR

Colleges are not assembling a class of students who have done the most things. They are building a community — and they are trying to understand who each applicant is becoming, what drives them, and what they are likely to contribute. That picture emerges not from a long list of activities, but from whether those activities tell a coherent, authentic story.

Think about it this way: Short term participation shows effort; long term action shows character.

What admissions offices notice is progression. Did this student’s involvement deepen over time, or did they simply show up? Did they take initiative? Create something, lead something, improve something? Did their interests in and out of the classroom connect in any meaningful way? These are the questions that shape how an application is read.

A student who has gone deep in one or two areas they genuinely care about will almost always present a more compelling picture than a student who has spread themselves across six activities without real investment in any of them.

Admissions readers are quite good at recognizing when a student is being authentic and intentional in their interests and actions.

THE ROLE OF SELF-DISCOVERY IN ALL OF THIS

Here is what I have come to believe after years of working with students: the activities that matter most are the ones that teach a student something about themselves. A student who follows their genuine curiosity and pursues something because it interests them, not because it looks good, tends to go further with it. They take on more responsibility. They connect it to their coursework or their thinking about the future. They have something real to say about it when it comes time to write their essays.

This kind of self-discovery is also what helps students understand why they want to go to college. This matters. Students who can articulate what they are curious about and what they hope to explore further in college are much better positioned to identify schools that are a genuine fit, and to present themselves in their applications with confidence and clarity.

As a parent, one of the most valuable things you can do is help create space for that discovery — even when it does not look like “college prep” in the traditional sense.

Where does your student get excited about spending time and making a positive impact? Where are they motivated to take initiative, even if it is intimidating or challenging?

HOW PARENTS CAN HELP — WITHOUT ADDING PRESSURE

Pay attention to what your student talks about with genuine enthusiasm, even if it seems unrelated to college. Curiosity is a trail worth following.

Resist the urge to suggest activities based on how they will look on an application. Instead, ask what problems your student finds interesting, what they would do with more time, what they wish they knew more about.

Support depth over breadth. Encourage your student to stick with something long enough to grow in it — and to take on more responsibility when the opportunity arises.

Let summers be purposeful, not just busy. A focused experience that connects to a real interest is far more valuable than a packed schedule that lacks intention.

WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE FOR SOPHOMORES AND JUNIORS

If your student is in 10th grade, the most important thing right now is exploration and attention. This is the time to try things, notice what resonates, and start developing some areas of genuine investment. There is no need to have everything figured out — but there is value in paying attention to where your student’s energy naturally goes.

If your student is in 11th grade, the focus shifts slightly. Junior year is not the time to add more activities — it is the time to be intentional about what already exists. Which involvements reflect real growth? Where has your student shown initiative or taken on responsibility? How can the coming summer deepen something that is already underway, rather than scatter energy in a new direction?

In both cases, the goal is alignment — between what your student is curious about, what they are studying, how they are spending their time, and the story that is taking shape. 

CONVERSATIONS WORTH HAVING WITH YOUR TEEN

· What has genuinely surprised or interested you this year — inside or outside of school?

· Is there something they do regularly that has never been thought of as “an activity” but clearly matters to them?

· Where have you taken initiative lately — even in small ways? How did it feel?

· When you imagine yourself in college, what do you picture doing beyond attending class?

These conversations do not need to lead anywhere immediately. Their value is in helping your teen develop a clearer inner compass. This reflection will serve them well not just in the college application process, but long after they arrive on campus.